Before you start reading and think I have a magic potion or formula to share, I really don't...and some times there still is a struggle but it doesn't last as long any more.
At the end of my day, I am thankful, I am confident, I know I have done something good and have accomplished even a small amount. I have renewed my spirit, my faith, my talents and I am confident going forward on this journey. I am happy to be who I am, where I am, what I am, and how I am getting there day by day. And that is what gives me peace.
I am not surrounded by only positive people but I have learned better to take what you can and leave the rest behind. There are so many cliches I could or should come up with here but...
I now make an absolute effort to think positive, stay positive, be positive and pass positives along. I try my best that if I have nothing nice to say or a positive assistance to pass along, I say nothing. That happened to me not too long ago. Not able to get a word in edge wise or to get a positive word in, I just sat back and listened. Someone was in a bad spot and I decided she needed to get the hurts out without anything I could say. Sometimes, all we need is someone to listen to us without judgement and/or a remedy.
I have made new friends that are here right where I need them. Similar and different enough that we get along great. A godsend to me. They have rekindled parts within myself, I learned some lessons and been reminded that I CAN! Everyone can use encouragement. I have been renewed and reminded of sharing good times, good fun, good food, good drinks, and good laughs with good girl friends!
I don't know exactly when, although the first one was almost a year ago... I had my own ah-ha moment. I had spent months with my elbows rested on my legs, my head in my hands, praying...pleading. It did take a couple of days to get that message through my thick skull but it penetrated! There were a few moments of ups and downs but the downs are now few.
It's easy to get lost on the journey. I lose track of days, every day. But I do know when it's day light and thank God for it. And I do know when it gets dark and thank God for that. I have started a Gratitude Jar for 2013. All it is, is a mason jar that I use heart shaped post its and date, write a good thing and fold and put in the jar. It is so nice to be able to think of more than one thing to be grateful for but even one thing came bring peace.
Like I've said, there is no easy solution to finding inner peace and it's different for each of us... and we find it different times and ways. But what I did find out was: it was right inside of me all the time!